We all have regrets. We have all done things, fully knowing it wasn’t good for us. We have ALL woken up in the morning the next day, and thought, ‘oh god, what have I done?’. I see you party weekend, and raise you a lazy cold Sunday!
Oh, not where you thought I was going with that? Get your mind out of the gutter. I’m referring to those weekend binges, or those lazy Sundays when nothing sounds better than shitty food and Netflix. Ohh! Or, those days when you’re too tired/lazy/busy to cook dinner and ordering a big, FAT delicious hot and steamy pizza just sounds like the right idea. THOSE DAYS.
I’ve been having a lot of those days, lately. In fact, every night, when I’m laying in bed, and my body is slowly relaxing to the point of a deep sleep, and I’m FINALLY falling asleep, that’s the exact moment when my brain goes ‘NO WAY JOSE! REMEMBER WHAT YOU DID TO ME TODAY? YOU SUCKKKKKK!’
So, anyways, I’d like to think that staying awake all night thinking about how I’ve abused my body and plotting how I’ll make it all better, makes a difference. Instead, it just forces me to be lazy the next day, because I’m SO damn tired, and then we end up repeating the poor behavior, all over.
I could sit here, and tell you all about the magical things I have done to hold myself accountable. I could tell you about how I am this all knowing being, and I solved all of my self-doubting, self-hating, poor behaviors. But, unlike all those motivating and encouraging self help books we dive into, I am (currently) not that person.
Instead, I write this blog in full intention to have YOU hold ME accountable. These are the things I am going to do for myself, and they may not be the same things you’d do for yourself. I am printing pictures of myself from when I liked what I looked/felt like. Right now, every time I see them, a get a pang of jealousy of ‘last year me’, so I know that having them in the fridge/snack cabinet/closet/etc. will snap me into focus. Also, I’m putting an outfit together that there’s no way in hell I can squeeze myself into now, and I’m hanging it in full view in my room. A reminder.
Listen, this might sound awful, and could be like your personal hell, but I think (read: hope) it’ll work a little bit, for me. This is not intended to be my all encompassing problem solver… just a reminder of the regret. Because, regret is born from a behavior or choice that we can usually change, and that’s what I intend to do.
re·gret
Fat Girl Wunning 