It’s no joke that my anger goes into overdrive when my trainer says, ‘Warm up and I’ll meet you on the green!’.
The green is the area of the weight room that has the plyo box. Enough said. No, but it also has the sled, the battle ropes, hand weights, and kettle bells, amongst other things that are trying to murder me. We call it the green because the ground looks like it’s fake grass. It’s honestly my personal hell.
I absolutely, 100%, HATE when he tells me to ‘meet him on the green’. It has come to my realization that I hate it because I know I am weak when I work out over there. I know that I lose my breath faster, and my throat starts to burn worse, and I am just plain old fucking miserable, when I’m there. I am much more comfortable and accustomed to working out on the weight machines. I guess that’s why he makes me work out on the green. He knows I need to challenge myself. He’s doing for me. But… really? Fuck that business.
Anyways, it’s upper body murder day, and I am on ‘the green’. It’s the end of my work out, and I have already spent the better part of my 30 minutes pushing my arms and shoulders to their limits. I have lifted weights in all sorts of ways, and I have done a pretty good job of NOT complaining, the whole time. In fact, I barely complained when I hurt. I pushed through it. I have goals, dammit. I’m not going to get there by whining.
That thought process quickly went out the window when I saw that he had the Medicine Ball Of Death in his hands, on ‘the green’. It was the last part of my work out. I would be doing three sets each, of four different movements. Ten reps of lifting my arms over my head with 15 pound weights in each hand. Five reps of lifting the same weights like a bird flapping it’s wings (that’s the actual technical term for this move, I’m pretty sure). Ten push ups (because he’s an asshole). And finally, ten catches of the medicine ball, then lifting it over my head, and slamming it to the ground. I make it through the first set of the first three movements, and then I struggle my ass off with the medicine ball. Like, between each and every lift and slam, I am dying. My arms hurt. I have sweat in my eyes. I am weak. I am tired. …and apparently, I’m making those oh so famous, Dumb Workout Faces.
He couldn’t stop laughing at me. Very single catch of that ball, and grunt when I tried to lift it, and apparent face I made- he laughed.
I made it through, and finished all three sets, and by the third set, I was chucking the ball down on the ground with ease (mostly because I was picturing it being his face).
While we were walking back to the front of the gym, he turned to me and said, ‘That medicine ball episode should never have aired on TV. You laughed more than you threw the ball.’ Uhh, yes. Because laughing is how I keep from crying, my friend. And we all know we don’t need a crying client ‘on the green’.