Defying The Limits I Clearly Set For Myself

So, before we begin, go refresh your pretty little memories of the epic blog entry below.

Wait, You’re Stronger Now.  Try This.

Ok.  Was that fun?  Are you ready to see where this goes?

It’s Upper Body Murder day, and Franz has me starting on the rowing machine doing 500 meters, immediately making fun of me for going too slow (I do 500 meters in about 2.5 minutes..), and telling me all about how HARD the following work out will be.  You could literally see the look of pure evil and joy in his eyes.

The work out started out pretty normally. Heavy weight, me complaining, Franz rolling his eyes.  All very normal.

Normal, until he told me to come over to him.  He was standing under the dreaded bar.  The pull up bar.  I groaned. I said, out loud, ‘You seriously must be on crack if you think I’m going to do this.  Do you remember what happened the last time?  Remember the heart attack I gave you?  DO YOU WANT THAT TO HAPPEN AGAIN?!‘  The only other woman in the gym audibly laughed.  I am obviously spreading joy everywhere I go.

I begrudgingly walked over to him, and he was holding this massive rubber band loop that was attached to the bar above.

‘Put your foot in this’,  he said.

I lift my leg, and put my foot into the band.  He lets go and my leg immediately shoots out in front of me, 90 degrees.  I start dying laughing.  Franz hates me.

‘Put your foot down and keep your feet together’, he ordered.

I follow the instructions.

‘Now… pull yourself up.’, he said, like the delusional man he is.

I do.  I pull myself up.  The band allowed me some assistance on the way up, and some control on the way down.  Wait- it was supposed to control me on the way down, but we all know how awkward and fucked up I am.  I go down, and my legs go all wobbly and swing out in front of me.  This doesn’t happen once, or twice… it happens literally every time I try to go down.  Franz is getting annoyed.  I’m laughing, but I have officially done 10 chin-ups.

I will say, between the tears in my eyes from laughing, and the core strength to keep my legs controlled, I was kind of proud of myself.  Well, like half proud. You may be questioning why I was only half proud of myself.  Well, in my head, the band is a crutch.  This is a fake way to do chin-ups.  It has to be.  When I say this to Franz, he rolls his eyes, and tells me it’s not cheating, and points out the fact that I have now done 20 chin-ups.

BTW- In between each set, I had to do bench presses with 25 pound weights in each hand.  When I was done, I had to get that damn foot back into that damn rubber band…without accidentally kicking Franz in the damn face.

Each set of chin-ups I did, looked ridiculous.   I was constantly swearing under my breath, and my shirt was getting caught on the band, and E.T. was popping out.  It may or may not have been the most attractive thing I have ever had the pleasure of watching in the gym mirror.  Poor Franz had a front row seat to this shit show.

Below is a picture of what this exercise could look like, IF I was a normal person.  Thank God there isn’t an actual image of me attempting it.


P.S. In the end, I managed a total of 30 chin-ups.  We’ve come a l-o-n-g way, friends.

Truth Be Told

So today I went to my nutritionist to check in and chit chat about my eating habits, and what I can improve on.

She was very happy with all of my progress, and was able to look at my food diary on MyFitnessPal to see where I am with getting all of my nutrients in.  She opened up my log, and said, ‘Ok, let’s look at yesterday.’  I immediately respond, ‘Ohhh… yesterday was probably a high carb day!’.  Her eyes got wide, as she looked up at me, and said, ‘Ummm…. no.’

This is when I learned that I have been eating far too few carbs, and probably could use more calories in my day.  See?  A check in with a nutritionist is good, every once in a while.

The coolest part of my appointment was using the InBody machine.  The machine basically analyzes your entire body, and breaks down your body composition, analyzes your BMI, and your muscle-fat.  It breaks it down all the way to each leg, and arm.  It’s pretty incredible.

Here is the best part about this test (besides that it shows how hard I’ve been working at the gym).  There is actual proof that my right arm and my left leg are weaker than their counterparts!! I’ve been saying it all along, and I was right!!  It literally shows that the muscle mass is lower in my right arm, and left leg.  Incredible.

Also… remember that time I said that I am pretty sure there are six-pack abs underneath the E.T. exterior of my stomach?  Apparently I am right about that, too.  My muscle mass was above average!  BOOM!!!

Next time I go to see her, in January, we will do another test, and it will compare results to this past appointment.  The fact that I am super excited about that, blows my mind, but I am.

Get out and WUN!

Jump Up, Jump Up, Don’t Fall Down

My nieces came to visit over the weekend.  Being the spoiled littles that they are, every time they come, we love to do something extra special with them.  This trip, we had something GOLDEN planned.

My brother, his wife, and I brought them to a trampoline park.  When we walked in, the place was a freaking zoo.  We should have known; It was a holiday weekend.  Kids were EVERYWHERE and the sheer volume of noise in this place was overwhelming.  I was a little nervous that this would throw them off… but we got lucky, they were ready to jump.  By the way, when I told Franz what we were doing with them, his actual response to me was, “You probably shouldn’t go unattended.  You’re gonna hurt yourself, or break something.”.  #supportive

We checked in, and headed to the trampolines.  OFF.  THEY.  WENT.  I’ll admit, I was a little nervous to get onto the trampoline.  In my head, I’m still 90 lbs heavier; But this year is all about change, and facing fears, and I got on that shit, and jumped.  It was so much fun!  We had a blast jumping, bouncing (and watching other, more daring people flip).  The girls were completely carefree and going wild.  They loved every second.

I won’t even lie- I had to remind myself to relax my body, because that shit hurt my back if I jumped to stiffly.  Also, all I could think was ‘What’s Jiggling?” while I bounced.  But you know what?  Who the fuck cares?  There were hundreds of kids and adults there.  I was just one in the crowd, and I was having fun!

An hour and a half of jumping later, we took our tired girls to get ice cream for lunch (because that’s what you do when you’re an aunt and uncle).

When we left the park, a friend messaged and asked if I had fun.  I said, ‘I did! It was great!  We just got into the car to leave.’  Without skipping a beat, the return message was ‘In a car?  Not a van with flashing lights??  I’m impressed.’  It really is amazing the amount of supportive (and clearly hilarious) people I have around me.


this place was no joke.

Safe Word

So in my last entry, I wrote about how all I do is complain to Franz, and when it really hurts, he doesn’t believe me.  Well, after that blog came out, a loyal reader (Hey, Katie!) suggested that we come up with a safe word to use.  You know, the one word that I’m allowed to use to tell him that NO I’M DEAD SERIOUS, I’M DYING.

When I walked into training on that Wednesday, I proposed this idea to him, and he laughed.  Then we both threw out words to use… at the same time.  His was ‘Nutella’.  Mine was ‘Marshmallow’.  The first thing I thought was, I need a s’more.

After this, he proceeded to kick my ass, and I couldn’t use my legs for two days, and I never did get my s’more.

By the way, when Katie suggested I use a safe word, she also told me I couldn’t abuse it.  I kept that in mind, until the end of my session.  I was tired.  I had been working so hard the whole time.  Pushing myself to my limits.  Feeling weak, but knowing I was strong.  The very last set of exercises he put me through was pushing the Man Sled down the ‘green’, and back.  He loaded it with 90 pounds, on top of it’s own heavy steel weight.  When I got back to the start, I immediately had to go into a plank for 45 seconds, and then do it all over again.  By the third set, I finally succumbed to my own pain and suffering, and yelled, “Nutella!  Marshmallow!!  NUTELLA AND MARSHMALLOW!!”.  And if you were wondering, he didn’t care.  I had to finish my last set.

You Get What You Ask For

I have been adamant about making a dinner plan for every single week.  There are many reasons, but my top three would be:

1. I don’t waste food by not using it, and it going bad.

2. I don’t have an excuse to not cook, because I already know what to make.

3. Makes grocery shopping each week, a little bit smoother.

Another bonus to planning out my meals, is that I force myself to try a new recipe each week.  Last week I found a recipe for Creamy Cauliflower Chowder, and it was pretty tasty!  I have made a cauliflower soup before, but trying new recipes is always a nice way of gathering new ideas to create the BEST recipe.

When I find recipes, they usually have Nutrition Facts already written out, but I disregard those, and add up the ingredients I use, and figure out my own.  Usually because I am subsitituting ingredients, or using a healthier version of something, and it changes the original N.F’s.

Here is the much anticipated recipe I found for the Creamy Cauliflower Chowder.  I added salt to taste, and used one slice of (REAL!) bacon for each bowl.  My batch made 5- 1 cup servings.

Creamy Cauliflower Chowder