These are some of the things that my body has been compared to, most recently. I’m not even mad. It’s kind of amusing. In fact, I liked ‘Melting Gumby’ so much, I started to say it about myself! It’s a funny thing when you can make fun of yourself. I want to be serious, and say that I look so good, and I look sexy (I’d NEVER say this)… or whatever, but I don’t. Instead, I go along with what the hilarious people in my life are saying, because to be honest, they are funny and creative comparisons to my body.
I’m not saying that my body is all that bad. I won’t lie… when people compliment me on my arms, I am so damn proud. And you know what? I should be! I’ve worked so hard! I have done so much work, swearing, life threatening, and whimpering to get to this point. Yet, it STILL doesn’t stop me from making fun of myself. I’d like to say that I don’t mind that I have all this extra skin, and I will tell you (and everyone else) that it’s my ‘battle wounds’; but in all reality, it kind of sucks. The skin is something that won’t really ever go away. It might tighten up a little bit, but for the most part, it’s all mine, forever (or until I save enough money to have it taken care of).
I think the best part about this whole story that I have spewed out, is that not many other people notice these flaws. No one is walking up to me and saying, ‘Damn girl, look at your arms!! If only you didn’t have those cute little batwings hanging off the bottom of them…’ No. They just say, ‘DAMN GIRL, LOOK AT YOUR ARMS!’. And I modestly say thank you, and that I have worked hard for them.
On that note, this is what happened the other day at the gym. OH, by the way… Franz and I are at ANOTHER NEW GYM. This one is much closer to home, which is great. It’s basically in a warehouse, and it’s a torture chamber of hell for me. Franz, on the other hand, was giddy with excitement to have a new space, new torture devices, and new people around us. Does this sound familiar? We’ve been through this a couple times. When he’s giddy, I know that my work out is about to suck super bad.
Anyways, I am at the ‘new’ gym. It’s upper body day, and Franz has me doing rows using a kettle bell, while leaning onto a block. Conversation went like this:
F: ‘Here. Do 4 sets of 8 reps.’
Me: ‘Are you kidding me? How fucking heavy is this??’ (while picking up the kettle bell)
F: ‘……..uhhmm. I don’t know. Just pick it up!! (pause and slight thought) I just picked the green one!’
Me: ”I just picked the green one‘ WHAT THE HELL FRANZ!! It’s 57 pounds!!’
F: ‘Eight reps’.
I did my set, struggled to get to 8 on each arm, and then before my next set, Franz changed out the kettle bell. I’m 99% sure he knew it was too heavy, but he will say that it was because I was complaining too much, or that my rows were ‘ugly’.
Next up, four sets of 10 push ups, touching my chest to a pad. I’m not sure why, but they seemed a lot harder than normal, but I pushed my weak ass body through it. When I sat up, heaving, having worked out for a whopping 8.5 minutes at this point, a woman who was training with her trainer on a machine close by said, ‘I’m totally impressed. You’re so strong!’
Franz jumped on me like peanut butter on jelly. ‘OOOOOHHHHH!! Don’t let that go to your head! Now you’re going to tell everyone about this…’
‘Damn right I am! I worked hard for it!’, I replied.
Fast forward to the end of my session with my BFFL Franz. He has me hold a 75 pound plate weight in each hand, and walk from one end of the track, to the other, four times. The first time I get to the far end, I take a break, and the same woman is there watching me. Franz formally introduces himself as a new trainer, as I’m over here struggling to breath. A minute goes by and I heave the weights up again, and off I go.
On my second trip down the track, the woman says, ‘Seriously… you’re SO strong!!’. Inside I was giddy with excitement. Yes, I am!! I’m so strong!! I am proud, too! Yet, what came out of my mouth was nothing less than …well, very Ally-like.
‘That’s because he likes to murder me when he sees me…..’, motioning to Franz.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have made my first impression at yet another new gym.
Love always, Melting Gumby