So, I was going through my phone, deleting albums and pictures from many years ago. I’m not quite sure how one can have 17,600 photos on their phone, but I do. Anyways, as I was going through pictures I came across one that I took of myself during one of my MANY attempts at starting a weight loss journey. When I saw the picture there were so many emotions. First of all, I felt sad. I couldn’t even believe that at one point I looked like that. Why did no one ever say anything to me? No one has a problem telling me I’m too skinny, now… so why not tell me how unhealthy I was, before??
Besides being sad, I was in shock. My shock came from the realization that even being the person who lived in that body, even I didn’t know how bad it was. Isn’t it amazing how easily we put blinders on things we don’t want to see? I mean, I truly do not remember myself like this. It’s funny to me, because last year, I went through some old medical paperwork, and came across a visit summary from my doctor, and written on it was my weight. The number was one that I absolutely do NOT remember weighing. It was higher than I ever remembered. It was a shock to my system… just like seeing this photo. If I think about it, the doctor visit, and the picture were probably around the same time in my life.
I haven’t gotten to the part where I am happy with how far I’ve come. Probably because I haven’t allowed myself to believe I was that bad, before this journey.
So, thanks to date stamps for pictures, I know that the picture was taken in February of 2011. I was 27… about 6 days from my 28th birthday. If I think back on that time in my life, I remember that I was super unhealthy, but I still tried. I drank a lot, my work schedule was all over the place, I stayed out late and had a terrible sleeping schedule. I was basically a hot ass mess. The picture basically proves that.
To help myself see how far I’ve come, I found an image from April of 2018, and made a comparison shot. I also like to think about everything that has changed. My work schedule is in MY control now, not in the control of a retail company. I gave up those sugary margaritas and shitty hangovers from staying out drinking. My sleeping isn’t any better, but it has nothing to do with my partying. For the most part, things are different… and that’s why I am different.
So, without further ado, and with much shame and embarrassment, I share this side by side picture. I’m sharing because I know that someone out there needs to see it. Someone will look at this and say, ‘If she can do it, so can I’. That’s all that matters to me.