You’ve Been Franz’d

Breaking News:  Apparently, ‘Franz’ is officially not only a noun, but also a verb.

Before we go on, I’d like to take a moment to clarify something that I know will come up.  Franz and I have a love and respect for each other, and we show each other in very strange ways.  Like a fucked up brother/sister relationship where we just make fun of each other, hit each other, and then laugh our asses off.  In fact, now that I say it, our relationship reminds me of the relationship I have with my real brother.  Maybe the fucked up one is really just….me?!  Anyways, I respect Franz no matter what he does or says.  You kind of have to know him to deal with the shit he does, and to be perfectly fair to Franz, it goes the same for dealing with me.  I seriously don’t know how he does it……… (in other words, no Ally’s were hurt in the making of this blog post)

With that being said, let’s begin.

It’s the end of the week, and I am at the gym doing an upper body training session with Franz.  The laughs and the giggles are getting to us, and I am trying my damnedest to stay focused and not waste all of my energy on laughing at him.

By now, you know that Franz does things just to make me laugh;  Like try to push me over, when I’m crouched down on the ground in between sets, catching my breath.  I’ve learned to be prepared, and he hasn’t knocked me down, lately.  Super proud of myself!  Yet, I wasn’t expecting what he did do.

As I was showing off the super awesome, amazing, incredible, huge muscles in my arms, he went to squeeze the muscle to make fun of me, and while he did it, he slapped my bicep.  This slap, left a red hand print on my already flush skin.  Of course, I scream ‘Abuse!’, and in normal ‘The Boy Who Cried Wolf’ fashion, no one came to my rescue, because they know me better than that.

A little while later, Franz decided to add to his artwork on my body, and left a pretty ‘good job, buddy’ hand print on my shoulder.  He’s hilarious.

As my training ends, and the thought of freedom from the gym lifts my spirits, we walk outside into the hot parking lot together, chatting.  It’s Friday.  We’re both a little giddy.  We get to my car, and Franz pauses mid sentence from whatever nonsense he was talking about, and says something about how funny he is when he pours water on me. So hilarious, Franz.  Really.

Without skipping a beat, he shakes is bottle of water towards me to scare me.  I flinch,  but it had the cover on it.  Phew!  Saved from the warm back wash splash to my face, that I (sadly) know so well….

Until he took the cover off.

He laughed his ass off, said “YOU’VE BEEN FRANZ’D!”, and walked off, leaving me soaking wet ….

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RGF 2

RGF.  Resting Gym Face.  I have written about it before, and I am going to say it again.  I have a serious Resting Gym Face.  The other day at the gym, Franz told the other trainers, ALL about my RGF.  His actual words were, ‘I don’t even know what her normal face looks like, because she always has some dumb look going on’.  #helovesme

In reality, I have Resting Bitch Face, in general.  Recently that was proven to me over and over (and over and over), while I was on vacation visiting friends in Arizona.  I was there for a good friends wedding, and spent a lot of time with her, and some of the other girls in the wedding party.

It all started the night I got there, when we went out to dinner.  I had been up since 5:30 am Boston time, and it was 7 pm in Scottsdale.  If you’re slow on math, that means that it was 10 pm back in Boston.  I was tired.  I was hungry.  Apparently, I had RBF.  The bride snapped a lovely photo of me, laughed her ass off, showed everyone, everyone laughed THEIR asses off, and then it began.  Their mission to take as many pictures of my RBF as possible.

At the end of my 5 day trip, an album was shared to my phone with 35 pictures (btw: this was only from ONE persons camera), exclusively of my faces.  It was really really difficult, but I narrowed the images down to the top 6, including the one that started it all.

Let’s start from the top and work our way right…

  1. RBF at dinner the first night that I was there.  The image that started it all…
  2. RBF face in Sedona when I caught the bride taking a photo of me during lunch.  This was actually a series of about 6 images.
  3. Dumb face during the cocktail hour of the wedding with one of the best bridemaids around.
  4. Your Fat Girl Wunning making her best face while waiting in line for Ice Cream for 10 minutes, and then I didn’t even buy any.
  5. Back to the first night, where the restaurant made a mistake of having a wooden cut out, and I took full advantage.
  6. Finally, while walking in Sedona, I stopped to say hello to a mannequin on a bench.  We had a thrilling and hilarious conversation.

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So this may not have been totally about the gym, but I sure do hope that I could make you laugh on this lovely day.

I’d like to thank the contributors to this lovely entry.  The bride herself, Steph, and her lovely husband Josh, and two of the best bridesmaids I’ve ever had the pleasure of sharing matching dresses with, Jen and Cassandra.

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Also, just because I can’t be the only one having all of the fun here, I decided to add my favorite gem of the bride, who also made some incredible faces, during our time together.

I love you Stephie, xoxo! -‘popcorn’.

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You Got A Friend In Me…

Or not.  (stick with me, this is lengthy, but worth it)

A few posts ago, I mentioned that when you lose weight, or change your lifestyle, it seems that so many other things change along with it.

For real.  I had no idea how losing weight, and changing my bad habits, would affect the people around me.  Most of the amazing people in my life understand that this is the best thing for me, and do their best to support me.  Some don’t.

I mean to an extent, I can understand why some people start to pull away.  When you’re used to going out to eat with someone, and having drinks, and talking about weight and how you wish you could lose some, and stuffing your face with crappy food because you wallow about your life together- it must be hard when someone in that relationship changes, and doesn’t do any of that anymore.

What doesn’t make sense to me, is that if you’re ‘good friends’ with someone, and you have shared some seriously intimate parts of your life with them, and you have supported each other through thick and thin, that that ‘good friend’ would disappear, instead of being there for you, when you decided to be the best version of yourself.

Nope.

For me and my friendship, it started out great.  This person was by my side every step of the way on this journey.  She would tell me that she would support me, and instead of drinking and going out to eat when we hung out, we could go walking, or get a coffee!  She was so supportive, caring, loving.  She even bought me a bunch of really helpful things for my weightless journey, including shaker bottles, and a journal, among other amazing items.  That sounds like the kind of person you would want in your corner, when you decide to change your life for the better, right?  That’s what I thought, too.

Apparently I’m wrong.  I’m still not quite sure what happened, or even why it happened.  I can’t seem to put my finger on one specific event that may have triggered the downfall of our relationship.  In fact, there wasn’t even a downfall.  It just stopped.  Everything STOPPED.  No more support.  No more encouragement.  No more spending time together.  Even our daily (all day, every day) texts stopped.  I mean, completely out of the blue.  Done.

Sometimes, I think about it and get really deep in my thoughts, and start beating myself up.  What if I hadn’t started to take care of myself?  What if I kept going out with her to bars, just like we have for years and years?  What if I didn’t change?  Would she still be by my side?  And then I have to remind myself that I am doing this for ME.  First and foremost, I needed to be healthy again.  I would do this all over, in a heartbeat, even knowing that I would lose one of the closest, most important people to me.

Maybe someday she will wander back into my life, and I will be able to put this behind me, and reconnect.  Maybe I’ll even find out what really happened and why I lost her in the first place.  Maybe… but if I don’t, I have to remind myself, that what’s happened, happened.  What’s done, is done.

I am healthy.  I am working on being happy.  If people don’t support that, then there is no space for them in my life.  In fact, even if I wasn’t on this journey, I wouldn’t be able to keep someone like that, around me.  No one should.

We live in a society where the number of Facebook ‘friends’, or Instagram followers you have, defines how… I don’t know, popular you are?  Maybe well liked?  I don’t know.  I just know that recently, in light of this loss of friendship, I have deleted many people from my Facebook friends list.  I am done pretending to be friends.  I want genuine, real, supportive, amazing, happy, positive people around me.  Period.

Was this entry a downer?  I hope not.  Writing it was therapeutic. I got this off my chest, and out of my head.  Everyone should be able to share their struggles. Everyone should feel supported when they need it most.  End of story.

The Super Nice Things You Hear While You’re Losing Weight

I bet you actually know where this is going.   I mean, obviously people are so happy for you when you become healthier, and lose weight.  Some ask you how you did it, or what your ‘secret’ is.  Other people encourage you to keep going, and cheer you on.

What’s funny is, when you’re overweight, people will say things like, “You have such a pretty face”.  Am I the only one that thinks that’s hilarious? Because, really what they’re saying is, ‘You have such a pretty face, and if you lost weight, you would be so beautiful!’.  Right?  At least that’s what I THINK they mean, because I am hard on myself.

So, over the last 5 months (and any other time I’ve lost weight, prior to this), people have said some amazing things to me.  Things that would blow your mind.  Like, I wouldn’t walk up to someone and say anything like this, but… maybe that’s just me.

The latest batch of comments have been incredible.  Outstanding if you will.  But, not in a good way.  In fact, I would jot down what people would say in a note on my phone, just so I could remember it!

Let’s begin… (buckle up, it’s gonna get bumpy)

  •  “Where’d your boobs go?!”  We can also add in “You’re flat now!” and “You just weren’t blessed in that area!”.  I mean, they are all in the very same category.  If you’re thinking that NO ONE could say things like this, you’d be wrong.  I actually heard every single one of these (two of which were from my Mom.  Isn’t she cute?  Thank goodness she can get away with saying it.  Hi, Mom!).
  • “You have tiny legs, and bigger thighs.  I mean, they aren’t huge thighs…they just don’t match the bottom half”.  Let that one sink in.  Apparently I have upside-down triangles for legs.  Wanna guess who said this to me?  My trainer.  I’ll give him credit because he was trying to explain why the fuck he makes me do 3,000 calf raises a day.   Basically, he’s trying to transform my legs from upside-down triangles to rectangles, I guess.
  • “You’re wasting away!”.  Ok, I will admit that I actually kind of, sort of, deep down, appreciated this one.  I mean, damn right I’m wasting away!  I’m FINALLY losing weight!!
  • “You’re SO skinny!  Your feet even look anorexic”.  That was after sending my BEST FRIEND an image from a dressing room photo shoot.  It’s ok, she meant it with love.

BRACE YOURSELVES… THIS ONE IS THE BEST.ONE.YET!

  • This one started with a simple “How much weight have you lost?” and it was followed up with “OH MY GOD!  YOU WERE SOOOO BIG!”  I’m using caps for a reason, because the person who said this did it with his eyes WIDE open, and his voice raised.  This gem, my fun friends, was from my boss.

So, I won’t be all Debbie-Downer here.  Most people are so nice, and so genuine in their reactions to seeing my changes.  Even these insane comments come from a place of love, and support.  I know that.  I didn’t even take (that much) offense to the last one!   Ok, I may have messaged everyone I know, telling them what he said, but whatever.  I know that his comment was just his gut reaction to hearing about my weight loss.

I will end this word vomit by sharing a collage of Dressing Room Selfies, from my photo shoots… because you know you wanted to see it.image1

Isn’t it hilarious that I look like I got shorter in the last one? ahhh.. the power of angles.

But For Real… I’m Back

It has been quite a while since I last updated my ridiculous blog.  In that time, so many people have told me that I should keep writing, or they miss reading the entries.  So, here we go, again!

Last blog I wrote was about changes, and there have been plenty.  My whole life took a twist and turn, and I am focused, determined, ready, and willing to make myself healthy. Not only has it been beneficial for my health, its been beneficial for my wallet!  Do you know how much I spent on take-out and eating in restaurants?  Neither did I, until I decided NO MORE.  On top of making sure I was eating healthily and working out religiously, I also gave up alcohol. If you know me, you know I love my craft beers.  I love everything about them, including the experience of sitting in a brewery and enjoying time with friends and family.  Yet, I gave that up.  Sometimes I sniff other peoples beers, just to feel better.  Sitting at the brewery watching other people drink, while I sip on iced tea, makes me think about how far I’ve come.  I’m ok with that.

All of these changes have been great… and a little emotionally draining.  I didn’t realize how my social life would change.  I didn’t realize how my brain would shift.  I also didn’t realize that apparently, when you lose weight, you also lose friends… still trying to figure that one out.

I keep telling myself not to cheat.  Don’t give in.  When you do, it’s a slip ‘n’ slide down a oil covered runway, into a pool of fat, and misery.  How’s that visual?  I spent 34 years of my life doing whatever the hell I wanted, and look where it got me!  No where good, I can tell you that.  So, it’s time.  Time to see who I can really be, and continue to challenge myself to be a better, healthier, happier person.

But- enough of the mushy shit.  Lets get into the funny crap.  See you in the next entry!!

 

BTW- I promise there are more huge changes ahead.

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Operation Elevation

One of the best things about being unemployed in a crappy job market, is that you have friends (and family) who are unemployed too.  See? There’s a silver lining to everything.

The other day, I got to spend some serious quality time with one of my best friends, Sheila.  Let me explain how this even came about.  She called me the night before, presented a plan, and forced me to say yes, adding in that she wouldn’t be kidnapping me all day, so I’d be able to get things done.  Please keep this in mind.

So, Sheila picks me up at around 10:30 am, and we drive to Nashoba Valley Ski Resort; Home to Witches Woods.  We thought it would be fun to walk through the abandon Haunted Hayride route of the Halloween display, which was being deconstructed as we were there.  Between the haunted houses we passed, and the creepy statues that surrounded us, we were sure that this would be one hell of a walk.  The deeper we got into the woods, the creepier the scenery was.  Gravestones, hanging dead people, staged car crashes… it was crazy!!  Not only was it good scenery, and created awesome conversation (which makes the time go by), but it also slowed us down!  22 Minute Miles?  Pathetic!

At one point we found what looked like part of the trail, but we soon realized, it was where all amusement life went to die.  It was a place where horror movies are made.  Old popcorn machines, rusty snow makers… you catch the drift.  Once we got back on track, we passed through a graveyard, and a mess of car wrecks.  It was interesting to say the least!

Now, as we get to the end of the route, it becomes clear to both of us the two things have happened.  A. We haven’t walked, nearly far enough. B. There is MUCH more abandon amusement park to explore.

It was after we passed the train ride and pumpkin displays, that we saw it.  The Mountain; and thus began Operation Elevation.

Ahead of us stood 200 vertical feet of earth (or an intermediate ski slopes for all you technical people out there).  It was a wall of challenge, and we were ready.  We started on our way up, and made it a whole 20 feet before we had to stop to breath.  The higher we went, the more frequent the stops.  Somehow, we did a good job of motivating each other to keep moving to the top, and although we didn’t make it 100% there, we were proud of where we ended.  We turned around, landed on our asses, took a breath, and enjoyed the view.  When we gathered the strength to stand up and move our legs again, we started our decent to the bottom.  In the middle of our walk down, after we thought of rolling (since it’d be faster) it started to sleet and snow on us!  This made us move just a little faster so we could get back to the car and not freeze, but would you believe when we made it to the car, we STILL hadn’t hit our 2 mile goal? Damn.

A lap around the pond, and walking by some Christmas displays being prepared, and we hit our goal.  Just keep swimming…err wunnnig.

Below is a sampling of pictures that we took on our walk.  Please, enjoy!


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WHERE SHE BELONGS!IMG_5018

STILL SMILING!IMG_5024

POOR KARIM!

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HIGHER THAN IT LOOKS

IMG_5035ELEVATION SUCCESS!