“I See Land!”

I try really hard to not bring the outside emotions of my life into my sessions with Franz.  It seems like lately, the gym is my only constant place to be ME.  I focus, I smile, I have fun (go figure!).  So, when I have a lot going on in my head (which is always), I try hard to let it go, when I walk into my gym.

The other night, I couldn’t do it.  I walked in, and I. Was. Pissed.  I had had a tough day, and right before I walked into the gym, one more thing just set me off.  I was fuming.

I got onto the rower, and rowed faster than I ever had… until I couldn’t breath.  Then it was time to work out.  The whole time, Franz kept asking if I was going to make it, or if I was OK to keep going.  In between sets, I found myself slumped over and I would immediately start to think.  Tears of frustration and being overwhelmed, would well up in my eyes.  Then, Franz would say, ‘Are you ready?’, and I was back at it.

In some ways the frustration and anger and sadness made me want to push harder.  In other ways I would lose strength and confidence.  My emotions were clearly affecting me.

This was shaping up to be one of the worst sessions because I couldn’t even remember what exercise I had done; My head was OBVIOUSLY in another place.

This all changed at the very end…

Franz truly knows when I’m at my end.  When I can’t push any more.  When I’m at my weakest.  That’s usually when he makes me do the sled.

At the end of my session, Franz looks at the clock and says, ‘Good, we have two more minutes’.  He walks over to the sleds, grabs the biggest one (the same man-sled I have mentioned in the past), and drops a 45 lb weight on it.  As he turns around to get another one, I drag my ass over, hold onto the handle bar, and brace myself for the worst push of my life.  And then, in usual Franz style, he makes it worse.

He has this light bulb moment, takes the 45lb weight off of the sled, and STANDS on the front.

(This is going to be a small insight as to what Franz looks like… and what I like most about our alias ‘Franz’, is that it allows you to have your OWN idea of what he looks like… but thats ok.  This needs to happen.)

This tall, JACKED, 245 pound man, is STANDING on the front of an already VERY heavy sled.  Then he says, PUSH ME!

I am weak.  I am pushing with all of my strength.  He is yelling at me to keep going.  All I can focus on is how every single muscle in my body is being used, and I can’t do anything to relax any little bit of it.

Then he says…

‘I feel like Christopher Columbus!’

‘I see land!’

I’m. Dying. Laughing. For the first time in my entire session- hell, my entire DAY, I am smiling and laughing.  Unfortunately for me, the laughing took every bit of energy I had left, and it stopped me in my tracks.  To even get the strength to get going again, to finish pushing him down the track, and back to the beginning again, was hard enough.  Add in the fact that I had the ass of my trainer in my face, while he was just hanging on for a ride at my expense, all while trying to make me laugh; It was HARD.

We got to the end, and another person at the gym walked over and said, ‘Damn!  She’s tough!!  Go easy on her Franz!’.  Sometimes, that’s the kind of stuff you need to hear.  It’s proof that I really am working hard and doing insane things…

I may have told that kid that Franz calls me at the end of his day to come back and give him piggy back rides to his house.

Franz doesn’t think I’m funny.


The Clap

Our bodies make noises.  If you pretend yours doesn’t, then you’re just fooling yourself.  Not only do our bodies make noises, but we aren’t the only ones who hear them.

When my knees crack, the snaps can be heard from across the room by the deaf.  When my ankles pop, it sounds like the creaks from an old wooden chair.  I mean, I KNOW that when I move, everyone hears it.  Let’s not forget that I moan and groan when I stand up and sit down, so much so, that the baby I nanny has picked up the habit to moan and groan when he stands up and sits down.

So, it may surprise you that in my twisted sense of reality, I really figured that NO ONE heard… the clap.

It’s no secret that when you lose weight, you don’t just magically lose all of the skin that you spent years stretching out.  Nope, that shit stays with you.  Like a badge of honor, or a fat tax, or something.

Well, as I lose my padding, I gain sag.  Lately, I have noticed that my body has a new noise.  It claps.  Like, when I have my arm up, and I let it down real fast.  MY BODY CLAPS FOR ME.  I actually sent this as a text to my two girlfriends from High School.  I told them that it was super nice of my body to give me a round of applause when I’m up walking around.  Still, I thought I was the only one who could hear it.

I wasn’t.

So, it’s a Thursday, and I’m at the gym.  I’m actually in an absolutely terrible mood.  Like, my normal ‘funny ha-ha I’m going to kill you’ jokes to my trainer, had a much more authentic vibe on this particular day, if you know what I’m saying.  Honestly, I was in no mood to joke.  No mood to play around.  I was angry with the work out.  I was angry with my lack of ability.  I was angry with the Plyo Box (i.e.: Devil Box).

I’m doing step ups, and struggling with them.  I have three sets of ten step ups, per leg.  I’m on my last set of 10 for my last leg, and I raise my arms to catch my balance.  As I step back down to the ground, my arms come down, and…


My trainer starts to laugh a little, and in a quick moment, he stops.  I think he sucked that shit back inside, in fear of actually being slapped across his face. (full disclosure: I wouldn’t ever hit him, no matter how mad I was… I’m really not a violent, mean person.  I just play one, at the gym.)

I am physically dying.  I’m trying to catch my breath. I’m trying to not die.  I’m trying not to laugh, because well… that shit was funny.

At that moment, I remember what I said to my friends.  My body was clapping for me.  I was actually receiving a round of applause from my body, for making it through my work out.  I’ll take it.