Have I ever told you about how Franz likes to show off? He wouldn’t admit it, but I know. Listen, I’ve been working out with Franz for two and a half years. I know him like any good gym wife should.
This is how Franz’s ‘showing off’ made me think I would die in the gym.
First training session of the week:
Normal work out. Me; Dying and complaining. Franz; Rolling his eyes trying not to kill me. We’re doing all of the usual suspects in my training, except for maybe adding a few extra pounds here and there. Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t pay attention. I couldn’t remember a routine at the gym, if I tried. I have no clue how much weight I lift because when I try to add it up, Franz yells at me, and when I ask him how much weight it is, he yells at me. So, basically I have just realized that this is Franz’s way to have job security. Oh well.
OK so, I was doing hex bar dead lifts, and in between sets, Franz would add more weight. Everything was going nice and smoothly, until the gaggle of (insert name of snooty town) moms came waltzing around the corner with their group trainer. In that very moment, Franz changed. Everything changed.
I’m about to do my last set of eight reps. Franz is busy loading the hex bar with as many weight plates he can find. The ladies working out, are inching closer. This is Franz’s time to shine! Look at me! I can train a girl to lift like the burly man she is!!’.
I step into the bar, and position myself to lift. I’m squatting down, holding the bar, listening to Franz tell me ‘this is going to be heavy’. I know I can’t fuck up. I have to make Franz look like the hero he is! I start to lift the bar, and……… Fast forward. I lifted that sucker a whole 4 times. That’s all I could manage.
As I stepped out of the bar, I started to add up the weight, to see how much I just dead lifted. Like always, Franz snipped at me… but then he went silent. About a minute later, he said ‘210’. Me, ‘what?’. Franz, ‘You lifted 210 pounds. You asked me and I’m telling you.’
OK first, two hundred and ten pounds??? Holy shit. And secondly, Franz officially looks like the hero of the day. You’re welcome, Franz. Everyone saw you proving how amazing you are at being a trainer. *insert eye roll*
(seriously Franz, I love you. You know I do.)
So, lets head on over to the second day of training, in the same week. I am on the green (FML) mixed in with the moms, who are circuit training. Franz throws a 40lb bar bell on the floor in front of me, and says, ‘Renegade rows- 8 each arm. Then get up and do overhead presses- 8 each arm.’
I get down on the ground in position for renegade rows. I know 40 pounds is heavier than normal. Why, you ask? Have you been listening? Franz is showing off again, and remember, I’m in a sea of people to impress. I go through the rowing, and stand up. I pick up the barbell, and put it in position on my shoulder. As I push my body to lift the weight over my head, Franz pipes up, ‘That’s the most weight you’ve ever lifted over your head’.
OK guys… I am officially petrified.
Me: OH MY GOD. Is it really?? Ugh.. I don’t want to drop this on my head and die at the gym. That would be a terrible place to die. I don’t want to die at the gym!!! (while lifting at a pretty steady pace)
Him: Yeah, you’re not going to die. Keep going, keep your core tight. (not having the least bit of concern that I may actually die)
Me: Wait… or do I?? If I died at the gym, I’d go out looking like an athletic hero, right?!
Him: Yeah, and then they could put a plaque and a picture of you on the wall.’
‘She died doing what she did best…until that day, that is.’
P.S. At the end of my session, Franz picked up my water bottle and made me do lunges all the way down the track. He wouldn’t even give me my water, until I reached the end. I think he read The Front Is For Go, The Back Is For Show! and knows that lunges at the end of training are the worst thing in the world, to me (right next to literally everything in the gym).
**FOOTNOTE: I know Franz isn’t just showing off. He knows my capability, and is honestly working on making me stronger, and more confident. I just wanted everyone to know that. Also, in case Franz reads this… don’t hurt me.